I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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