you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
