If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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