I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't make out with my wife yet
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
