just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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