"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
