Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
