Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
