Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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