eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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