my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
