I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize