don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
