This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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