so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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