i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
