She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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