did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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