How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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