Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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