He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
