she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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