You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
