i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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