There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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