its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
