We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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