He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
