In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
