shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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