are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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