You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
