Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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