you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
