batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
