we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
