Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
