I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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