1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize