if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
