I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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