Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
