walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
