I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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