She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
