Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
