you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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