hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
