i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
