There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
