yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize