how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
