yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
