I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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