I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
