Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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