you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
