Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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