i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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