Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
