I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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