i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
