i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
