I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
