Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
