Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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