I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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