I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
