i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
