All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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