you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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