just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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