It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
