This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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