If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
